Tim His Fish In Antwerpen Fish Of The Year Beauty Pageant 2011

You're such a beautiful fish

Floppin' on the summer sand 

We have started organising the Tim His Fish In Antwerpen Fish Of The Year Beauty Pageant 2011. Pageants come with rules. Rules and judges. So here are the judges:

Side judge 1: Tim
Side judge 2: Raf
Head judge (Oh yes!): David Galle

Oh yes, he will be joining us. David Galle knows a lot about fish. We will try to keep him from either mocking your fish or bringing up any jokes, but we can't guarantee anything!

Rules

How will we judge the fish?
We mark 1-10 in the following categories:

- Orangeness of the fish
- Weight of the fish and how he pulls it off
- Character of the fish
- Tail of the fish
- Smile of the fish
- Swim of the fish
- How much the fish looks like Guido, Michel or Alain

So please, let us know about your fish, so it can win the Tim His Fish In Antwerpen Fish Of The Year Beauty Pageant 2011, the most important fish beauty pageant of the year!

Soon more information.

Place your reactions in the comments section.

Fish Charity

The last blog post was supposed to become really funny, as I had planned a follow-up blog post to mock myself, but somehow it never lifted off. Very unfortunate.
In all seriousness, this blog has gotten so silly over the years, and Google knows it because we just signed another one year blog deal with Google. And yes, it will be about fish again! Finally I hear you say, which is true, but our David Galle bashing really helped our country. Nobody's talking about David Galle anymore. The last three months he didn't get on tv for one single minute. It's so nice to know this blog really has an impact on society. So let this be another start. When all other people finish their blogs and plan to start over only after the year has passed, we already start all over on december 27. According to my calculations, this should give us a week headstart on the rest of the field. Of course, we will be working this one week for free.

Which day of the week do fish hate?
Fry-Day.
hehe hehehe hehehe

If anyone knows people with fish, let us know for the Tim His Fish In Antwerpen Fish Of The Year Beauty Pageant. We're planning on taking lots of fish photos.

61

Only sixty-one days left till the new year, so today's special will be about this number. Sixty-one is the eighteenth prime number. Since eighteen is the age most people consider children to leave their childhood behind and enter the world of adulthood we can devote this post about the number sixty-one to ageing. After all when you're sixty-one you're also old. So far for my infallible reasoning. Hereafter the story of age.


A clear distinction has to be made between a person's age and his mental state. Whereas some people never seem to grow up and always continue to cherish the little child inside them, others grow old before their age. The natural freedom fighter I am, I wonder if we can ever classify people by their age with an easy conscience. I find that age is a sensitive subject to address, whomever you may find yourself in a conversation with - friend or stranger, boss or (God forbid) spouse. The reason behind this is that there is no person whose mental growth evolves in the same pace as his body's. Therefore people do not identify themselves with their actual age and rather with their conceptual age. I dare to even state that people hardly ever think about their actual age, apart from birthdays and (unpleasant) encounters with people who bring the subject forth. It is the notion of one's conceptual age that truly defines him. As such the term 'age' in conceptual age is a totally alien concept. Preferably we'd be talking about someone's self-image, or 'idea' which I prefer to call it.

Qu'est-ce qu'un adulte? Un enfant gonflé d'âge.
Simone de Beauvoir

Does one's idea mean we should neglect his age, or should we try to add it to the equation?

NAAAJNTIENAAAJNNN

 Hi everyone! This is Raf blogging again. I may have gotten myself caught in the moment a little yesterday, making promises that are hard to keep, so today I am going to write a blog post about breaking promises. Well, I was, until I found out there is already much coverage on this subject on the internet. I found this very useful 5 step program to break a promise. It really helped me change the mindset I was originally writing this blog post with and turn it into a very positive thing. Let's take a read.

Step 1: Before Breaking A Promise, Always Say Something Positive

Step 2: When Breaking A Promise, Try To Make Yourself Sound Like A Victim

Step 3: When Breaking A Promise, Immediately Make Additional Promises That Are Not Really Promises At All

 Step 4: When Breaking A Promise, Never Lock Yourself Into The Next Promise

 Step 5: Assure Everyone That Breaking Your Promise Was The Right Thing To Do

Ok, so. Plus two. Ouch, someone hurt my arm. I may be buying every blog reader a Lamborghini, yes I think I just might. But don't expect me to really buy a Lamborghini for you all! Everything is okay now, just another great decision on my behalf.

This was a valuable blog post lesson on not doing things literally.

HAPPY HUNDRED!!

Only hundred days left till the end of the year! This is freakin' awesome! Every day from now on will there be a new countdown blog post! See you tomorrow for #99!

The Bro Code: Honoring Ludo

This should have been posted a while ago, but due to our grief we never found the right words. You are looking at Ludo Boenders, who has been the library man for as long as I live. You see him standing there in the picture, smiling to himself, remembering an infamous quote Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. Well, he's not wondering anymore. He left town to travel to heaven. We truely miss him. When doing shots, we're always doing one in his name. This is not a bro game. It's a bro ritual.

We can only wish our belly will grow the same way over the years, symmetrically round, carrying with us the words we read throughout our lives.

Bro game IX: Dingeske

The new game in the bro game series is 'dingeske'. Whenever your bro says 'ding' you start coughing really hard and your bro will follow. You do this as to not allow your bro to be embarrassed in public for forgetting the topic you were talking about or a stupid thing he said. Both bros will keep coughing until the subject changes. If you're not sure your cough is appropriate for this game, please send a cough sample to the judge.

Tinekes Dildoooooooooooolololololbutt

FOL. WE are disappointed. In you! Extremely disappointed. :'( I don't think anyone has ever been as disappointed in anyone as we are now disappointed in you. What a sad, sad, sad, sad, sad behavior. What is wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with you? We hate you. What where you thinking? Why don't you just fuck off, get assraped by a donkey midget, and drop dead. Because I would love to see you on all fours, bent over for such a lil donkey midget, screaming and moaning about how you love taking his lil dick in that bubble butt of yours. Suck our hairy balls, and while you're at it, suck our sweaty armpits too.

Bro game VIII: Second Bropinion

When times are hard, when you are questioning your own judgement, when you don't trust your doctor for a hundred percent, when you find yourself in doubt about an upcoming decision ... just play Bro game VIII! It's called Second Bropinion for a reason. Just contact your Bro and tell him "Second Bropinion", after which contacted Bro is forced to hear your story and give you his much needed advice. Is this a game, you might ask. Isn't life a game?
Bro's form excellent teams, unlike this man. You can contact him if you want though. After all, he is the judge.

super sweet world record

54 comments PATAT

Tim's Trail of Trees: The Real Tim

So you entered the hidden gateway, with or without sucking dick. You can comfort yourself by knowing you did everything possible to find the real Tim. There's one gate you need to unlock. Unfortunately you don't know the code. Fortunately there's a little piece of paper that gives you a few clues about the code.

The last number of the code is the second number from the year Eddy Merckx won his last Ronde van Vlaanderen.
The first number is the number of how many boats real Tim has bought in his life so far.
The other numbers you can find in the profile of real Tim. You should know who he is by now.

**BOOMMMSEXPLOSIONS**

Finally I can go get my Raf-account back.

Tim's Trail of Trees Part II

Since I am the most important person in the universe, it's up to me to decide when you guys are allowed to continue on the Tree Trail. And that day is today. It's all about gaining fans and by doing this, my popularity will continue rising so that I won't have to take crappy jobs in Ruth & Rolph's Little Theater of Farms and Animals anymore, but I will be aired live on tv and won't get any complaints emails anymore. I KNOW those theater jobs are bad, but I have to do them to get some muney, ok?


You have either fallen into the valkuil, found the treasure, or pulled your carrot out of your pants, it doesn't matter at all since the beast from the bushes is coming anyway, whether you like it or not. Finally it jumps out and you see it's a Bulbasaur. What do you do? Choose one of following options.

You throw a pokéball.
You decide to go with your carrot and use it as a sword, slashing it at the green knapsack on his back.
You flee.

Bro game VII: 'eey, be quiet now eh'

Why should there always be talking in a conversation? Yet another excellent bro game, this time to be played over an audio connection. This can happen in your favorite chat programs, by calling from pc to pc, but also just by a simple old school phone call. Who said phone booths should have been destroyed when Jean-Luc Dehaene hit the 400lbs mark? The game starts whenever one bro speaks out the line 'eey, be quiet now eh?', after which both parties should stop talking, sneezing, coughing .. anything. Breathing is allowed, but only in silence. The first bro to start talking again loses. Obviously, you don't need to stay quiet the entire time. Stupid games are for kids. Fun games are for bros. Whenever a bro mentions 'now a pause' both bros can start talking again without any repercussions. However, if one bro speaks the words 'pause is over', then both should drop back to il silenzio.
Obviously, it is allowed during the silenceness to say 'Hallo' with your handpuppet and it's silly voice.

Mail to david galle!

What's missing in Prague?

Today it hit me. Today I realized what I’ve been missing all this time ever since I first arrived in Prague. I know now what made my experience here so strange to me. I don’t remember how the thought entered my mind; which notion might have led to it or which of the many images that pass through my brain the whole day could have induced it. I know it occurred to me during an Operational Excellence training at work. This training wasn’t fairly interesting since I had seen all of the matter in my economy studies, which gave me plenty of time to wonder off. At some point , without specific considerations or regrets, without thinking of what I might possibly be missing in my new life or even what’s different, and while some Petr was trying to teach me the fine details of high level process engineering, the following thought crossed my mind. “Since I got to Prague, I didn’t see a helicopter anymore.”

Something about it was hugely depressing. Having lived most of my life in a crazy farmer town about twenty miles from Antwerp and two in the actual city, you can’t exactly say I lived in helicopter Walhalla. There is no Bell or Robinson factory anywhere near where I lived, and most people there still use their car to go to work. Still I got to see my share of helicopters when I was in Belgium. Whether wondering around the streets of Malle, or sleeping at my place in Antwerp, once in a while I would be greeted by the familiar dug dug dug coming from the horizon in a sforzando that would make my day. Every single time I would raise my head to see if I could spot the raiders of the sky and check if any new types had been introduced in Belgium. Nothing like that here. Here there is no police helicopter code named Rago who would wake me up at ten. There’s no businessman who flies his chopper to work like the one at the industrial park in Oelegem. You don’t even see the army flying here. The whole sky is quiet. And it made me sad.

I started thinking about why this sudden absence made me feel this way, and couldn’t come up with an answer straight away. I don’t think it’s because I liked being woken up by Rago that much. I think it’s because I like the air to be filled with things like butterflies, birds and helicopters. The air should be the playground of all that’s beautiful, honest and noisy. A helicopter won’t tell you you look nice in the morning, when you’re sure you don’t.

Maybe I miss the wondering.

Tim's Trail of Trees

All on the trail, let the fun trip begin! As I'm the official referee of about any game in the world, I will also be leading the group on Tim's Trail of Trees. Up to you blog-readers to finish the trail. At the end of the Tree Trail you'll find the real Tim waiting for you. Make sure you find all the treasures on the way along! But be careful, the woods are dangerous. Here we go.

As you're walking along the trail of trees, you know there's no way you will get lost. On either side of the path you are surrounded by beautiful trees that keep you on track. The trees are kinda big though. Scary almost. Eek! What was that? Why did you scream like a little girl? Why are you running all of a sudden? You are being chased! You won't make it till the end of the trail if you're gonna keep running. Or maybe you'll get there faster! This is your conscience playing. Now make the decision. You can only click on one choice.

Are you gonna keep running, are you gonna slow down and start walking, or are you gonna turn around and slash the thing that's chasing you with your sword?

Battle of the Tim's

All you readers have seen there's now three Tim's on this blog, but which one is The Tim? Actually, this one's so obvious that we shouldn't spend too much time on the subject. Who is the real Tim? Let's take a closer look. One of the profiles has a Bro-quote on it. Obviously this is the shared account of Tim and Raf. Another profile has an avatar of comic book hero and Jef Nys creation 'Jommeke' in it. Clearly this is the account of Jommeke from Zonnedorp (Sun Village). Then there's this last profile. It has an official Timbo picture to go, but it's crying out so much Tim-spice that everyone can tell it's not his real account. This one's def fakey. Probably the fakest of all three.

Conclusion: Tim has turned into a robot.

Serious conclusion: Tim might have turned into a robot, but let's all follow Tim's Trail of Trees to make sure!

*hops onto the Tree Trail*

Anyone come with me?

Spring Time

Everybody! Spring has arrived in the jolly country of Belgium, which means we can all go out hunting unicorns again. Just a few things you'll need to start Spring.

Coughing medicine: Winter is leaving but it won't be leaving smooth! Or how would you like it if you were attending a fun party and suddenly you get asked to leave because some girl named April just arrived, telling everyone she thinks it's time for you to go, just because you look way too cool for her and it's making her uncomfortable? (which is like not a reason to ever leave a fun party. [While it is a reason to leave a dull party]) Wouldn't you stick your tongue into her throat and donate all your germs? I would. Get some of the following ingredients. Dextromethorphan, Turpentine Oil, Camphor, Menthol, Guafenisen, Brompheniramine, Saliva, Antihistamine, Bourbon, Phenylephrine, Eucalyptol, Phenylpropanolamine. Create a potion with them. Don't worry, those ingredients won't harm you. They're meant to kill the diseases, not the good stuff inside you.

Paper bag: To collect the bird eggs in that you will steal from their nests.

Cardboard box: To keep the paper bag in until it is May. In Maygh, every bird will lay an aygg. Take paper bag out of box at 1st of May.

One apple seed: To burry into your yard. Get your hopes up to finally start growing that apple tree you always wanted.

Lariat: To catch unicorns. Details about catching unicorns will follow later. Obviously I want to catch the first one.

This is basically it. There isn't anything else you will have to use during the entire spring. Doesn't this make Spring awesome? I think it does.

Bro game VI: Hug

Bro game VI immediately announces the end of the Bro game V competition. Only few bro's actually submitted their efforts, so the official referee had little trouble calculating who the winner is. The results will not be made public, but submitters can request their final score with the official referee.

Bro game VI is called 'hug'. The rules are simple and the best thing about it is that it is a non-competitive bro-game. Sort of. Somehow we already found a way to make it competitive. But you can totally play it as non-competitive game.

It is played as follows: you type '(hug)' in your bro's favorite instant messaging program. Most effect is created when using Skype, but this is not mandatory. Then you await your bro's response. If he responds with a new '(hug)' you have to decide whether you give him another '(hug)' or whether you type something else. You can't type nothing unless you're going offline. This cycle is repeated continuously.
In this game there is no need to contact the official referee since there is no score to be kept and no potential for conflict. So please don't bother the official referee with unnecessary e-mail. The official referee is already bothered enough.

Have fun playing and give your bro a big hug!

Making sacramental bread - Instructions

Hosts, a common name for sacramental bread, are often made by nuns as a means of supporting their religious communities. In the Latin Rite, unleavened bread is used as in the Jewish Passover or Feast of Unleavened Bread. The Byzantine Rite Eastern Catholic Churches (like the Eastern Orthodox Church) use leavened bread for Prosphora (the Greek word for Eucharistic altar bread). The Armenian Catholic Church (like the Armenian Apostolic Church), the Syro-Malabar Church and the Maronite Church have adopted the use of unleavened bread. Some traditions proscribe the use of spiced, flavored or sweetened hosts, while others allow it. However, both Eastern and Western traditions insist that the bread must be made from wheat. The Code of Canon Law, Canon 924 requires that the hosts be made from wheat flour and water only.

The General Instruction of the Roman Missal §321 recommends that "the eucharistic bread ... be made in such a way that the priest at Mass with a congregation is able in practice to break it into parts for distribution to at least some of the faithful. ... The action of the fraction or breaking of bread, which gave its name to the Eucharist in apostolic times, will bring out more clearly the force and importance of the sign of unity of all in the one bread, and of the sign of charity by the fact that the one bread is distributed among the brothers and sisters."

Mijn Poes!

Mijn Poes!

Mijn Poes!

The Bejeezus

I just noticed there's a huge picture of a b*b* on this blog. Luckily it's a picture of an ugly b*b*, but still, it has no right of being on this blog. What is the point of that picture? Was it planted just for the purpose of scaring the co-writer of this blog? Is there a secret code hidden in the picture? Why is it staring at me?
There should be no b*b**s on this blog. Just not a pretty sight to see these little not-yet-persons be posted. It is illegal imo.

Bonus Points

Hereby I claim one free Gold Bonus Point in Surprise.

Bro game V: Surprise

Bro game V is the first one in the series of bro games the other bro cannot know the existance of. Its intent is to suprise your bro completely by coming up with a totally new, non-agreed upon concept. The most interesting part about this game is that every concept can only be used once.
Examples are:
Sending your bro random messages,
Sending your bro's mom random messages,
Sending your bro's mom random sexy messages,
Coming up with a new bro game,
Etc.
Whether a random act can be filed under Bro game V will -in case of dispute- be settled by the official referee.
Most important is that the score of Bro game V will be kept (by the official referee), and that thus this game becomes a competitive creativity Bro game.
Bro game V is, unlike the other Bro games, not meant for amusement but for sheer competitiveness.

Start thinking!

Bro game IV: Draw!

Bro game IV. Why is Bro game IV awesome? Because you can play it with your Bro. Draw! is creative, challenging and crazy. It doesn't have to be kinky. Meet the official referee. The game is as simple as it is complicated. You will need a recent version of MSN Messenger for this. Click in the right bottom corner of your msg box on the pencil to get started. Create a story. With a plot. Not very creative? Not my problem. (Kabouter Wesleys always works whaddap) Click to enlarge.



And so it begins.

Bro game III: Find the connection

Bro game III is as simple as the previous Bro games. Bro games aren't tough. They're fun.
Find the connections goes as follows: you give your Bro some words and he has to find the right connection between them.
Disputes are settled by the official referee.

Who dat!

My girlfriend convinced me today to choose the Saints' side in the festivities going on tonight. This means I'll leave my beloved Colts for what they are and start cheering for the Louisiana boys to take the rings back home. I'm not sure how she convinced me, since I'm usually very hard to persuade. It might have had something to do with the fact the webcam was turned on during our Skype (R) call so I might have been a little distracted.
Anyway, I decided not to follow the SuperBowl tonight and just wait till tomorrow and watch the game after work, alone, maybe with some Jack to make me feel home. I'll have a picture of 'Oostmalle' next to me, and talk to it. Pretending doesn't mean you're going crazy; it means you care.

Bro game 2: The Naked Lady Game

The Naked Lady Game is a very basic Bro game that you can play in one of your top 5 bars. (Rule: In your Top 5 Bars List must be a bar where you can play The Naked Lady Game). All you need to play The Naked Lady Game succesfully is the right bar from your list, a little bit of money, and of course your Bro.

How to play:

(1) Enter the bar with your Bro and order a drink.
(2) Check the availability of the The Naked Lady Game Machine.
(3) If taken, sweep the The Naked Lady Game Machine Area and set up a safe parameter to play.
(4) Ask the bartender what the Machine likes to eat. (don't worry, this is common slang)
(5) Let the bartender answer that the Machine eats all coins, except for ginger ones. Also no bills please.
(6) Enter good amount of coins and select The Naked Lady Game on the touchscreen. (under ♀-sign)
(7) You are now ready to play.

The rules to the game are fairly simple.

(1) You and your Bro play together as a team. (Unlike Bro game 1)
(2) You have to try and find the five differences between the left picture and the right picture.
(3) It is allowed to get distracted. It is also allowed to pretend having found a difference on
a) The breasts of the woman
b) The woman's labia
in the early rounds and lose some time.
(4) Keep playing for as many rounds as you can.
(5) If time is running out and it's not looking like you're going to find all differences, one Bro is allowed to place his hand flat on the touchscreen in an ultimate attempt to find all remaining differences at once.
(6) Make up an abusive name to put on the High Score list. (If you somewhere see KUTJEBEF, you know Tiim Rafski played there)
(7) Disputes are settled by the official referee.

Have fun and start playing!

Webbrowser - Stinson Deluxe

I downloaded this addon and it's so cool. (click to enlarge and find out)

Martin Luther Day

Somebody wished me a happy Martin Luther Day today. I wasn't very surprised that the person who told me this wasn't a Jew. After all Martin Luther wanted Jew's homes to be destroyed, their synagogues burned, their gold taken away, and their children to act like herrings. (last one's a rumour). Yes, he may have been a theologist, yes, he may have had a dream, but can we really use these two meaningful declarative proposals to neglect all the Jew-hating propaganda he's been spreading around in Europe? The American people had absolutely no idea what was going on back here in Europe, because there wasn't any telephones, internet and newspapers being shared yet, and the few sailors who dared to cross the ocean either got attacked by pirates, or if they managed to arrive, nobody understood them because they spoke FRENCH!! Hhahahaaha, that's so clever. Who believes these priests these days? To track down the origin of his anti-Jew-philosophy we have to travel all the way to a small town called Prague, Nebraska. This is where Martin Luther got stranded after some french sailors took him overseas for the first trip (of four in total).



He was only 14 at that time and totally got laid by the only jewish lady in the entire town, her name was Jugde Judy, and she got the happy lil fella arrested right after the deed, charging him with dishonoring an old ladies body, which got him convicted for a total sentence of five years in the Joliet. Four months later, Little Luther appealed and won the trial after he proved Judge Judy did indeed get an orgasm during the intercourse, after which Judge Judy got all over the newspaper and got her own TV-show, while Luther got out of the joint and flew back to Europe, with a big hatred against Jews. Can we blame him for this? Yes, we can! But truth to be told, there was only one Jew in Prague at that time, while these days, after Jews heard about the very special American Dream Judge Judy had lived, which had turned her into a millionaire and had given her enormous powers over the American people, the Jew ladies started moving to this place (what they called The Promised Slumps) getting laid hundreds of special little white boys, getting Prague cramped up with Jews since they got shitloads of kids and raised them as Jews too. See where I'm going with this? Luther on his second trip to Prague frenched his sailors before stepping aland and finding dozens of Jewish ladies trying to hook up with him because he had made this all possible for them. Luther, being a man, couldn't resist his urges, went home with another Jewey, got arrested, convicted, appealed, got out, back to Europe, hatred growing .... Then he got smart and never returned to Prague. It just didn't live up to his expectations. One night he really got a bad dream. When he told his mom about it she secretly recorded it, sold it to the radio station, it got aired all over the world except Africa, I bless the rains down in Africa, got famous and got a big breakthrough in the USA, where everyone welcomed him as a fellow citizen, as their country had ran out of Zolpifish, the sleeping powder they used, and they all wanted to hear about his dream, since they didn't have any dreams themselves anymore. And that's why Martin Luther Day is celebrated among the American people and in Prague, but not so much in Europe because he never came back after his fourth and final trip at the age of 22.

Happy Martin Luther Day

source: wikipedia

Bro game 1: Sniper

Sniper is a very basic Bro game you can play over the internet. All you need to play sniper successfully is the Hitman avatar that we uploaded with this post, your favorite chat program or discussion forum that allows you to upload this picture, and of course your Bro.

How to play:

(1) Log on to your favorite chat server with the nickname 'Sniper'.
(2) Change your avater to the official sniper avater.
(3) Trace your Bro.
(4) Deliver your Bro the (private) message 'Pang'.
(5) Your Bro is now dead and has to log off.
(6) Add one kill to your score.

The rules to the game are fairly simple.

(1) Only play sniper with your Bro's.
(2) You can only play sniper with one Bro at a time. It is illegal to assassinate multiple Bro's in one session.
(3) You can only kill your Bro when he is online. If you try to shoot him when he is offline it's a ricochet. Don't add any points to your score.
(4) Only the official setup (nickname and avatar) make a valid kill.
(5) Don't make fake profiles for your Bro to even the score. Sniper is a gentleman's game.
(6) Disputes are settled by the official referee.

Have fun and start playing!